Illinois!!!

I'm sure you've heard me talk about my "Fab Four" before. I have 3 girlfriends (formerly four, before Cara passed away) that I've been best friends with for years. Jenny and I met at age 3, and have been inseperable ever since. Dana and Candi met as toddlers as well, and we met them during school. Cara came into the equation when Dana moved to a little town about 20 miles away from the rest of us. Together, we've been through it all. Boys, graduation, college, parties, boys again, long-distance friendships, more boys (we were a little boy crazy there for a while, haha), more parties, marriage, kids, tragedy, you name it. With all of having busy "grown-up" lives now, raising kids, jobs, marrying crazy Sailors and living halfway across the globe, etc., it's rare that we all get together. But two weeks ago, it happened! And it was AMAZING!

Dana, one of my Fab Four, got married, and I was blessed to get to be a part of their ceremony, etc. Before setting foot on the plane out of Seattle, I had decided in my mind that my first priority for this trip was to be as big of a blessing as possible to everyone I visited.  To help Dana with wedding stuff, run errands for her, help my parents wherever I could, and really just focus on serving others. I really had no idea how much I would get out of this trip. I also had no idea how badly I needed to see my girls until it happened.

Out of all the places I've ever lived, nothing has made me miss "home" quite the way Washington has. You all know (because I'm really not shy about it) that Washington is not my favorite place to live. The roads are horrible, the rain is annoying, but those things are really nothing compared to the people. (I know this sounds brash, and I certainly don't dislike everyone from Washington, bear with me for the explanation....) The people here are very different. Not seemingly unfriendly, but exactly that. This is not just my perspective, this is a REAL thing, you can read more about it here. They're very polite in passing, but behind that, there's a wall. It's really hard to make friends here, and that's something I've struggled with since the day we got here. It's never, ever, ever, not even when surrounded by people who don't speak the same language as me, EVER been hard for me to make friends. But it is here. And I hate that. I have friends from my church, and I love them dearly, but they all have family surrounding them here and other factors that make it difficult for us to really spend a ton of quality time together.  Being in a place like this really makes me miss "home". Not necessarily the corn and soybean fields, or the lameness that is Illinois. But the real "home". The Dana, Candi, and Jenny. The Applebee's where I worked for 5 years while going to college and dating the man that would one day become my husband. The Polar Pop. My sweet hearted parents.

This trip, I got to indulge in all of those things, and it was food for my soul. There were tons of memories made, and it was a really great time. I was so nervous to be away from my family for an entire week, and that part was every bit as hard as I thought it was going to be. But, thanks to Skype, Android phones, and a lot of prayer, I survived and took so much more away from the trip than I ever expected to.  

Here's a run down of the itinerary.....

My trip began with Jenny.....of course :)



Then on to the wedding....decorating and rehearsal dinner first....

"We clean up pretty nice" <-- the words of Candi Taylor :)

Bridesmaid shenanigans...

Dana was a beautiful, and I mean OH-MY-GOSH, jaw on the ground, stunning bride.

We did alot of things in memory of our dear friend Cara both during the wedding, and outside of it. Dana decorated a beautiful table to honor her, complete with a place setting, a flamingo, and a picture of her. Cara's parents attended the wedding, and when they saw the table her Mom cried happy tears and told us it was perfect, exactly what she would have wanted. I don't think she knows how much that meant to us, but it was wonderful to hear.  

We also went to her grave, and took some pictures and some of her favorite things out with us. We all sat in the grass around it, and told stories, reminisced, laughed, cried, prayed, and healed. None of us are "healed" completely, and I don't think we ever will be, but just facing the reality and grieving through it together did really peaceful things for me. I'm glad we were all able to do this.

My Mom's one (really of many, lol) request was that I play Bingo with her. I always love doing that anyway, because it's something I remember my mom doing with her Mom. My Grandma loved to play Bingo once or twice a week, and my Mom always went with her. As a kid I remember thinking "I can't wait until I'm old enough to do that to!". This was alot of fun for my Mom and I.

I realized (a day late and a dollar short!) that my parents and I were together for our "Gotcha Day!" this year for the first time in years! June 8th, 1984 was the official day that my parents' adoption was finalized, and I was legally, freely and clearly their daughter. I've always known what a blessing my parents were to me, but I realized it even more so during this trip. My parents love me more then anything in this world. (though I may be lower on the food chain since giving birth to their grandaughters) They always showed me affection and made sure I knew how much they cared. They were proud of me whether I nailed a 4.0 GPA, or simply sold the most margaritas at Applebee's that month. They loved me in a way that I thought everyone was loved by their parents. I was wrong, and I've seen the affects of someone who never had that. Praise God for these two wonderful people who truly gave me life.

One of the most exciting things that happened this trip (or ever, really!) was this picture below. This is my biological brother Joe, who I'd never met before. He was so sweet to invite me over to his house, where I met him, his fiancee and her two adorable kids. We talked for hours, and really got to know each other. We talked about the possibility of us starting a sibling relationship as adults (which is crazy, but so cool!) and I'm really excited to have him and his family as a part of my life.

Throughout all this, Doc was running the Mommy-show back here on the homefront. He did amazing. He took Jordan to school on time every day (a feat even I have yet to conquer! lol), did a couple fun outings with the girls to the splash pad, etc., attended my yoga class (and enjoyed it?!? not sure what to think of that, haha), and said that he felt like it was a blessing to have been able to spend time with his girls. I came home to happy kids, a spotless house, and a goatee I hadn't seen in years. It was very well-received. I'd missed him and our girls so much.

It's great to be home, and back with my family, in our routines again. Thank you for the prayers for safe travels, etc. I'm sorry to anyone I missed during this trip, I had a pretty packed agenda. What's new in your worlds? Do you have any trips coming up this summer? I'm excited to heart about them!

Kindergarten Recap

I blinked, and all of a sudden, Jordan's first year of school is coming to a close! It's been a great year for her. The Lord has made it very obvious to us that putting Jordan into school was far and away the right decision, and we're thankful for His assurance. I was blessed to be able to volunteer in her classroom, and really see how she's doing, and how her dear teacher handles all (28!!!)  kids! She had a great teacher, and is already sad to be leaving her class for the summer.  Jordan's report cards for the year have been excellent. She was getting great scores on her first assessment in October, and has continued that way ever since. And, she's made some adorable new friends along the way (and so have I!). I'm one proud Mama :) And in just 3 more weeks, I get to enjoy her all summer long! :)

Cheers!!! To a great summer, filled with laughs, sprinklers, popsicles, library trips, splash pad fun, vacations, BBQ's, fairs, rodeos, and family!

High.

I haven't updated lately about my eating journey. Today I want to do that. The last time I wrote about this I was doing nothing really but counting calories to work on setting limits for myself. It was working out ok, but it really gave me a lot of binge freedom. For some people, this is good, because they can have their cheat items in total moderation and it's fine. I'm not that girl. I hope that one day I will be able to do that, but right now my fight is with self-discipline, and part of the fight (I'm learning....still a work in progress, remember?) is cutting off my hand. Jesus tells us "And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell" (Matthew 5:20 [NIV]).  Jesus is talking about sexual sin, and this principle easily applies to anything tempting. Jesus is not telling us to literally cut of our hand. What he's saying is that if everyday you go to Dunkin' Donuts, and everyday you get sucked in by the amazing smell of fresh glazed doughnuts and you end up eating 2 of them, stop going to Dunkin' Donuts!! You have a choice in whether or not you face that temptation, and Jesus' advice is to completely avoid it.


After an incredible weekend with my mother-in-law, sisters-in-law, and two Aunts, I came home feeling refreshed and ready to make some changes in my eating. I talked extensively with my sister-in-law, who is an absolute inspiration in my eyes when it comes to health and nutrition, about alot of things. I came home, ready to hit the pavement on this journey even harder.


So as with any journey, I have highs and lows. Right now I'm on an incredible HIGH! I've done a 30-40 minute run on the elliptical daily for that last 2 weeks straight (minus one day for rest), I've been really dedicated to my eating (protein, good carbs from fruits and veggies, and healthy fats), and I'm seeing amazing results. (I.E. feeling great, losing weight, etc.) So this is all well and good.


But this isn't my first rodeo. I know what's coming. It may not be tomorrow, or the next day, but it will happen. A whiff of garlic at the mall food court....a friend saying "Oh come on, you can have just a LITTLE piece!!" (<-- not with bad intentions, just clearly not knowing a thing about my addiction to food)...maybe something as simple as a fundraiser for my daughters school that just so happens to take place at the Golden Corral. (DANG you, chocolate fountain!!)

Will you all pray for me? The trial may not have come, but I know it's coming. Pray for wisdom to know God's plan for my life. Pray for strength to follow it. And if you think of it, pray that every time the devil is headed my way with a big platter of bacon cheese fries, pray that he trips and smashes his face in it! I am prayerfully convinced that changing my lifestyle is how I "sing a greater song". This is how I lose myself and let God's strength and truth flow through me. When anyone's heart is set on the Lord, the enemy has no greater threat, you can bet he'll attack. This is the hardest thing I've ever done. Ever.


Thank you for all the encouragement you give me on Facebook, or by email, text, whatever. You peeps rock! Anyone doing anything similar with your diets, or doing any workouts or anything? Let me know! I'll pray for you too!!

Forgive.

Hello, peeps! I'm glad to be writing again! It's been a wonderful sabatacle, regrouping and focusing on my family and all the NEW this spring has brought. Sometimes, if I'm not careful, the distractions of this world really take a toll on my quality of parenting, friendships, marriage, etc., so from time to time don't be surprised to see me pull away from blogging (and Facebook) for a bit. You can always email or call me if you ever have a prayer request or want to chat.

Spring has sprung here in Western Washington, which means rain, rain, and more rain! In my experience, that's kind of what every season means here, but supposedly this summer is going to prove me wrong. I'm hoping that's the case! We have had some really great weather in between the rain, rain, and more rain, and it's been downright refreshing. Needed is really a better term. This renewed feeling had been healing, and God has really been using it in my life lately. I've been on this crazy journey that, thus far, has led me to the idea of forgiveness, in a round about sort of way.

If you had asked me 6 months ago if I considered myself a forgiving person, the answer would have been a hundred million times "YES!". I've always been quick to forgive a friend, my husband, a family member, etc., because I genuinely love the relationships in my life and couldn't bear to see them cease. Until recently, I've really prided myself in my ability to forgive.

During a bible study, I've been studying what it means to truly give something over to God, and I think that this goes hand in hand with forgiving someone. When you forgive someone, you give that experience to God and you quit worrying about it yourself. I've discovered that forgiving means so much more than just stating "I forgive you" or "I give this to you, Lord." It means not dwelling on it, not thinking of all the comebacks you could have said, not retelling the story in every dramatic detail for anyone who cared to ask (and even some who didn't!). I have to say I found myself guilty on all of the previously mentioned things. I'm so quick to say "Thank you Lord for delivering me from this!", but so slow to truly let it go. I'm still talking about it for months to come, still telling my friends what horrible thing happened to me. Beth Moore refers to it like this: "You've walked through the fire, but you still smell like smoke!"

Lately I've been thinking about the people in my life that I have a long-standing grudge against. I know this sounds so dramatic, so don't get me wrong here, it's not a long list! But, there is a list, and it's about time for me to clean it out! From ex-coworkers to friends or family members, I've got some cleaning to do. I've got my spriritual Febreeze in hand and I'm ready to lose this smokey stench I'm carrying around. But it's a process.

So that's what's going on in my world right now. I believe that this forgiveness journey will be so rewarding. I feel peaceful in life right now, but I know that this will bring even more. I love this about growing closer to the Lord. It always ends up better than you imagined, ya know?

What's new with you? Is Spring working on anything in your hearts? Tell me! I want to know! Have a great week, peeps!

Memory Lane

Today is Super Bowl Sunday. My family doesn't follow football at all, so the game is of pretty much no importance to us. This particular day takes me right back to Superbowl Sunday last year. We had just moved to Washington, and we were spending our third Sunday at Impact Christian Church. We had already felt "the vibe". You know, the one that you get when you think you've found what you're looking for. There was a woman there who had come up to me the week prior to invite me to her Superbowl party. Being 2 weeks from my due date with Lucy, and overwhelmed with unpacking and getting the nursery together, I politely declined. But she asked again. And then she made her kids ask my kid back in Sunday school. Then she had her husband ask my husband. Then I told all of them no. And then she asked again. And finally, I obliged. It's funny, those stubborn people that God brings into our lives, that we just can't imagine what the purpose could be, turn out to be dear friends. Today, she's a great friend of mine, her kids and mine love playing together, and she's the most educated woman on Fostering and Adoption I've ever met. What a wonderful blessing!

I'm thinking about all the things that followed that Superbowl Party, like my injury that came literally the next day. I slipped on some water in my kitchen and landed on the ground into the splits. I tore my groin muscles on both sides, and ended up immobile, housebound, and in total agony for the rest of my pregnancy. That wonderful church that we found and those persistent people there were some of the biggest factors in my pulling through that tough time with a smile on my face. The relationships we made at the very beginning of our journey here have enhanced this experience for us in ways we never imagined.

Today when I went in to church, I was so quickened to the blessing it was just to be physically walking into the building. And what a blessing it was to see that beautiful girl, the one that kept me awake for many nights since Superbowl 2011, walking around the place like she owned it with a smile on her precious little face. It was great to see my other beautiful girl, headed back to Sunday school excitedly and ready to talk about Jesus. I looked at my husband, who somehow grew more handsome this year, and I felt such an incredible joy. Today was such a new day.

Why am I writing about this? Why am I writing this hallmark, cheeseball, mushy-gushy crap that looks like a page straight out of a Stepford wives' diary? Simply because I want to remember. Life is hard, peeps. It's a blessing, and it's amazing, but sometimes it's downright hard. One year ago, it was the hardest it had been for me in a very long time. But we survived. We survived and we're on the other side, and life is good! I don't ever want to forget that for all those valleys yet to come, and those times when I feel like things are dragging on and progress is so far away. I want to remember the God that I serve, and the things that he does to prepare us and carry us through those valleys. I want to remember the support system that He prepares for us, (and maybe next time I'll say yes to the invite before the 7th time, right Mindy?!?), and the lessons learned that only He, in his perfect knowledge, could know that we'll need. I don't ever want to forget these things, because in those valleys it is so incredibly easy to lay down in the bed of self-pity and just waller around in it.  And in that, our enemy rejoices.

*****

For two weeks now, I've been busy and focused on my eating habits. I've been praying and praying and praying for God to help me through this, AND HE IS! My momentum has been incredible thus far. There have been some tough moments, and some failures, but overall I'm happy with how things have gone. My focus these last two weeks has been portion control. I've been counting calories for weight loss as well (and I've lost 7 pounds!), but mainly focusing on controlling urges to eat more than my body needs. This is definitely a work in progress. I'm praying for God's strength through this, and praying that He leads me to great mentors.

Tomorrow is Monday, and I'm ready for a crisp breeze and feeling of renewal to come with the morning! I hope you all have a great week, peeps! Thanks for reading :)

Passenger

It took me a week to write this post, and another week to work up the courage to post it. Deep breath in *gasp*.....and here we go.......


I love the way Dexter refers to his not-so-positive side as his "Dark Passenger". What he's referring to is the fact that he's secretly a serial killer of all the bad guys that justice didn't serve. Now, hopefully the people I know don't have THAT kind of a dark passenger, but I think we've all got someone with us along for the ride that we never invited. Maybe (hopefully) his name isn't Serial Killer, but his name could be Jealousy, or Anger, or Addiction, or Pride, or Shame, or so on....I think I've had a little of all of these with me at one point, some that relapse over and over again. It's a constant battle to evict these jerks, and some are bigger and meaner than others.


It's taken me years to come to terms with some of my passengers, but this year I'm starting a war against the biggest one I've got. It's a fight against a disgusting passenger that's been with me as long as I can remember. He's big, and ugly, and downright repulsive. It's embarassing to carry him with me, and shameful to admit that he's here. Letting him stay and go unnoticed would be so much easier to do, but if I choose that route, it could cost me my life. His name is Food Addiction.


Food Addiction. How repulsive is that?!? Food. Not cocaine, which has a chemical substinence that your body eventually craves and therefore justifies it's own addictiveness. (Not that being addicted to cocaine is a good thing, it's just a common addiction that I grabbed for an example) But food??? This is such an embarassing thing to be addicted to. When I picture a food addict, I see a 500 lb woman sneaking buckets of KFC and chugging 2-Liters of Pepsi to wash it down. I see a huge, lazy sloth that never makes any effort toward anything other than eating. Or maybe a morbidly obese person with an oxygen tank who has to be crane lifted from their couch. But the truth is, a food addict can also be a 240 lb woman, with two little girls watching her every move, who loves make-up and has an insane amount of energy, who also has an emotional attatchment to eating and can't control it on her own.


I remember the day I realized that I was a food addict. I had a dear friend and her husband here visiting, and we were trying to decide where we wanted to go for lunch. She explained to me that she was doing an FAA (Food Addicts Anonymous, very similar but slightly different than Overeaters Anonymous) diet, and explained what it entailed. I was intrigued, and sat down with her and asked about the kinds of things that led her to FAA. She explained that at one point, she was at a church, staring at a plate of muffins and cookies, and she realized that she literally couldn't stop eating them. For any of you who have never experienced this, I'm sure this sounds really out-there. And I know exactly what you're thinking. "Oh, that's ridiculous. Anyone would want to keep eating homeade goodies like that! She just didn't have the willpower to stop! That's nothing special! Everyone feels like that!" And that's true somewhat true, but the difference is that people who are not FA's don't go through an emotional letdown when they make that decision to stop eating. An emotional letdown every time they make a decision to stop eating. This is one of a few symptoms of FA.


The first step in this process is admitting that there is a problem. I had a tearful conversation with my husband a couple months back where I told him that I believe I may be addicted to food. I'm not sure that he really took me seriously at the time, and that's ok. He prayed with me, and comforted me, and that's what I was really needing then anyway. He agreed to be my accountability partner, and he calls me everyday to see what all I've eaten that day. There are a couple chapters of FAA that meet in our area here that I'm currently checking into. I'm hoping to get a sponsor through them.


And now I've admitted it to all of you. All of you whom I love dearly, and really really wish that I never had to say this to. But I needed to. I need to be honest with you all about what my life looks like right now, even the dark parts. So currently I'm working on self-control. I'm counting calories, but my main focus is to cut my portion sizes back to something reasonable. This is a process. Our stomachs don't stretch out overnight, and they don't return to normal overnight either. So for the next few weeks, I'm going to be hungry. Consider this a bit of a warning...I'm not sure if you've ever met Hungry-Tammy, but she can be a real rip sometimes! I'm trusting God to get me through this. I'm trusting Him for strength and steadfast self-control. I truly cannot do this without Him. He's given me victory over addiction to cigarettes and alcohol, and I know He can give me victory over this,too. I'm clinging to that!


I said this before and I want to say it again; I know that for some of you this is really out-there. And that's ok. Please feel free to ask me questions about this, about how I'm doing with my eating or how the process is going, anything at all. I want to be open with you about it, and I want you to see what God is doing in my life. I also want to encourage any of you who may be going through similar things, and tell you that you're not alone. If you need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate.


Thank you peeps for listening. It means much more than you know. I love you all, have a great week!

New New New

I love new. Just hearing the word "new" excites me. New people, new places, new opportunities, new hair color, new stuff, you name it, I like new ones! Not to say that I'm not satisfed with the current, but there's something so wonderful about "new".  I've never really looked at January as a new beginning or a time for change, but this year I have really been feeling this "newness" sweep over me. I have a God-fire lit under me. <--(These bursts of energy don't just magically appear, you know.) I can feel the Lord restoring me, and I believe it's for His purpose. I want to use it! You know the phrase "Use it or lose it!"? I think that is especially true when it comes to inspiration. If I don't use it when I've got it, it eventually passes. Even if I accomplish the task I had originally set out to do, it never gets done with the passion and the exuberance it would have if I had done it in the moment. So, here are some of my "news" for 2012:

1. Ombudsmanship (<--Look! Another "new"! I made up a new word!)
An Ombudsman, for any of my non-military peeps, is a person who is appointed by the Commanding Officer of a unit to be the link between military family members and the Command's higher leadership. Doc's Commanding Officer has asked me to be the Ombudsman for Doc's Command, and I've accepted! This is a volunteer position that I am so very looking forward to filling! It's something that's really been missing for me since I moved here. I have a great church where I volunteer, and I love that, but I've always done something within the military community as well. I've volunteered in this way with every other Command we've been attatched to, but only as an assistant to the Ombudsman (or "Family Readiness Officer" when we were with the Marine Corps. Same thing, different title, every branch just HAS to have their own terminology to make things difficult!) I'm excited about this for so many reasons, but mainly because this is something that I'm very passionate about. I would even dare to say that this is the thing I'm most passionate about. (for now, anyway) God has given me so much grace in the area of being a military spouse. I adapt easily and I welcome the moves and quick-paced, split-second decisions. (remember the title of this post?) But these are tough things to go through, and I welcome the opportunity to provide information about resources to help other families. I have some official training to go through, and after I complete it (around the end of February) I will have a Blackberry, a cheesy nametag, and an outlet to show people the love of God by helping them through stressful transitions and situations. Praising God for this NEW opportunity.....

2. Bible Study
The main reason we were excited about moving into this new house is because it is so much bigger than any we've ever lived in. The brand spanking new features and neighborhood full of kids doesn't hurt either, but the space we have here is just wonderful, and we intend on using it! We're starting a weekly small group bible study here! This will be our first time hosting, and we're very excited! We're hoping to be able to invite some of our neighbors in this military housing community, as well as others from our church and this area in general. We'll be doing a marriage focus, and we have such an awesome curriculum! We're doing Mark Gungor's Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage. It's a study for anyone at any stage of their married life, founded with Biblical principles of marriage, and it is absolutely hilarious. Seriously. Watch this 5 minute clip. You'll roll on the ground laughing and find yourself saying over and over "That is SO true!!!!"

See what I mean??? He's wonderful! One (of many) really awesome thing about this series is that it's not something that you have to have a huge prior biblical knowledge to be able to understand. In fact, you don't have to have any at all. It's very lehman. We're really hoping to attract a well-rounded group, so that we can all feed off of each others experiences (only what people want to share, that is, that's absolutely NOT a requirement of this study) and gain wisdom not only from studying the Bible, but also from one another and the things God has already taught each of us throughout our lives. We're potlucking every session, and we have lots of toys and playgrounds nearby for the kids! (Perhaps even a babysitter in the works!) If you're in the area, please join us and tell your friends!! It will be such a great time! And also, pray over this study! Pray that we have a great turnout and that God leads us to host graciously and with servants' hearts.

3. Lifestyle Change
This sounds very typical "My New Years Resolution is to lose 10 pounds", but I can assure you it's not. This is something very personal to me, and I'll be writing an entire post just on this alone, so for today I'll keep this minimal. There are things in my life that are out of control. For the sake of my health and the health of my children and family, I have to get them under control. It's going to be the fight of my life, and in some ways it feels like it will be a fight for my life. It's going to be harder than anything I've ever done, and it's going to be ugly. Very, very, very ugly. But it's going to happen. Because it has to. Period.

SO! Let's recap: I'm becoming an Ombudsman, we're starting a Bible study, I'm taking on some of the dark, toxic parts of my lifestyle, all in edition to unpacking from our recent move, overhauling our finances, raising two kids and supporting my husband in his career and school endeavors. Hmmmmm, (in my best sarcastic optimism voice) maybe I should add a NEW therapist to that list! :) Daily prayerful maintenance checks will ensure that we're not getting overwhelmed, don't worry.  Prayers welcome, peeps!

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act." Psalm 37:5