If you want the rainbow, you've gotta deal with the rain.

Dear Cara,
One year ago today, you and I spent the day together.  We hadn’t seen each other in a year until the week before and we had missed each other so much! We ate Chinese and hung out at your house, Doc and Jordan enjoying time with your parents and family, and you and I chatting away as always. You were falling in and out of sleep because of your medicine, and you kept apologizing for it. We both just laughed because it’s what we always did when something like that happened.  We talked for hours, and eventually I had to leave to start packing for my family to fly to Washington, our new home. I gave you a hug, and you told my pregnant belly “I’ll see you when I come visit your Mommy in Washington, Lucy!!”

I remember 4 years before that, the day you told me that you had been diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma. I was pregnant with Jordan when you found out, and you, in your true selfless nature, swore all of our friends to secrecy about it for fear that it would cause me stress while pregnant. Jordan was a newborn when you finally told me. I remember that feeling of shock. You were 21 years old, and that was too young for this diagnosis. I was mad at you for not telling me sooner, but thankful for the love you had for me, that you cared so deeply about me that you put me before the life-changing disease you were trying to learn to live with. You told me that it wasn’t serious, and that the Dr.’s had said that it was very easy to cure, the easiest of all the types of cancer to be exact. I took comfort in that, and clung to that statement with every ounce of my strength for the next 5 years.

I remember when you started your first round of chemo, and your hair started falling out. You were so strong through all that. So incredibly strong! I was amazed watching you. I watched you draw closer to your family, and they were so glad. (And so were you!) We had been pretty wild for a couple years, and I think everyone was relieved when that phase ended. You and I started settling down before the rest of our friends, and we grew so close during that time. You and I both started growing closer to the Lord, and we talked about this together and encouraged each other about it. Every night, I cooked dinner, you brought us each a Polar Pop and your own condiments (ß and you always gave me a hard time about that because I was such a horribly picky eater) and there we sat, watching Rock of Love and Army Wives, laughing hysterically, and chatting into the night. Every single night, for months, this was our schedule. You’d go into the local hospital for the weekend for treatments, and I’d come visit you. I hated it when you had to go to Mayo for weeks.  We’d end up on the phone every night that you weren’t in your immunity bubble during your first stem cell transplant. We had no idea at the time that was only the beginning of too many more treatments to come.

When I moved to Hawaii, you booked your trip immediately to visit me.  I missed you so much, and life just felt like it returned to normal when you got there.

I remember your second trip the most. You had started dialysis a few months prior, and life was a lot harder for you than it had been before. You had scars, and a port and things that no one expected you to need during this “easy to cure” journey.  You HATED dialysis, all 3 times a week that you did it. It made you feel weak, tired, cold, nauseas, and angry. I remember thinking that neither of us had ever imagined things would have to get this bad, and that I couldn’t wait for you to just be cured, because we all knew that one day you would be.  That last year that I spent in Hawaii was troublesome. Our conversations became fewer because you were in the hospital so much. I prayed and prayed and prayed that this “easy cure” would just hurry up and come!! I knew it was all in God’s time, not mine, and that the cure was coming.

I remember the day I came to visit you when I arrived in Illinois a year ago. We had been chatting about things we were going to do, but we weren’t able to do any of them because your health had gone so rapidly downhill in just the couple weeks leading up to it. You had lost so much weight, and your face showed this raw emotion, like you felt guilty because you knew that this was going to be scary for me. You were right, but we never let it show, did we? We just hugged, and cried, and held on to that promise that you were going to get better eventually. We saw each other a couple times while we were there, and I wish it had been more. I have so much regret about that. We were pulled in 50 different directions and it was impossible to see everyone as much as we wanted, but I still regret not seeing you more.

I’ve never told anyone about this before, but I think that you should know.  This past January, I was at a church in Bothell, WA. The Pastor said “Is there something that you’ve been asking God for, and you’re frustrated because He hasn’t given it yet? It’s ok for you to be frustrated! Cry out to Him right now and ask Him where He is in this matter!” They gave us a piece of paper and told us to right it down and hold it up to heaven. And I did. Tears poured down my face and I immediately grabbed a pencil and a piece of paper and violently wrote down “WHERE ARE YOU IN CARA’S HEALING???????”

One week later, He took you to heaven. I was in shock, and I felt really dumb for that. I truly believed throughout your entire fight with cancer that you were going to beat it and come out of it victorious and healthy and ready to get on with your life. I never doubted that. I had fears at times, even strong enough that I talked to Doc about maybe setting aside an emergency fund in case I ever got a call and needed to get on a plane quickly to come home and be with you, but I still never thought that it would happen.

It’s been almost a year since you passed away, and still, something shocking happens on Army Wives or one of my kids does something funny and I instinctively pick up my phone to call you. I miss you so much, Cara. You were always the person I knew I could call that would answer the phone no matter how busy your life was. You cared so much for me and my family, and you were so encouraging. You were always the one to give me an honest opinion about anything. (And for that, you were never the one I asked for fashion advice when I was still shoving myself into last years’ jeans that hadn’t fit since 2007!)

I could write for hours and reminisce, but what I really want to say is that you were the very best friend a girl could ask for. I will never forget that. I love you. I will never forget you. I am blessed beyond measure to have called you one of my best friends. I'm thankful that you know Jesus, and I'm in awe that you're with Him right now. I'm thankful for a God who loves us so much that He promises that as believers, we'll be together again one day! I absolutely cannot wait for that!

Love you so much,
Tammy

Movin' on up...

Is that super annoying "Movin' on up" song in your head now? Sorry, peeps. It's in mine too, if that's any consulation to you!

ANYWAY, Doc and I heard from the Navy housing office that we've been offered a new home in the super-incredibly-awesome-best-military-housing-I've-EVER-seen housing here! The timing correlates perfectly with when our lease is up here, and the Navy has offered to move us FOR FREE! How amazing is that?!?! We were expecting to get to move in there within the next 6 months or so, but sooner is definitely better!

I know people with opinions from one end of the spectrum to the other when it comes to military housing, but I've gotta say, for us, this is a great thing for our family! The Washington cost of living is through the roof, so renting out in town usually costs way more than your alotted housing allowance, plus utilities, depending on how many kids you have, how much space you need and what you're able to suck-it-up on. The waiting list for the military housing was long when we got here, so we had to get something out in town. We drove around for days looking at houses, and neighborhoods, schools, etc. When we chose this house, we chose it because of the neighborhood. It's a suburb, very small-town, and there are minivans all over this subdivision, so we were expecting families everywhere. And there are families everywhere. The only problem is that none of them speak to each other! It's not that they hate each other or anything like that. They just don't have time, for the most part. Most are 2-parent working households and they're so pressed for time that everyone just puts their nose down and sticks to themself. It's inconvenient for them to have friends.

The military is really such a sub-culture. We're very fellowship oriented, especially coming from the Marine Corps. I certainly can't speak for all Navy spouses when I say this, because my husband's job is very different than 95% of the Navy. In the Marine Corps setting, we know our husbands are going to deploy. We know they're going to do very, very dangerous things on that deployment, and we know that (unless we're stationed really close to family) we're going to need each other to get through that. The minute a new family pops up, we're all over them. We NEED to get to know them. They NEED to get to know us. We need relationships and friendships that we can count on, because we know that we may HAVE to count on it at some point. This is not to say that everyone just grabs hands and sings Kumbaya. We get to know everyone and friendships form based on similar interests, etc., just like any other large group.

Doc is currently on shore duty, with no deployments (praise God!) on the horizon. This definitely changes the dynamic of our military frame of mind. It's not quite so intense when we're meeting new people. Though we're not in a combat deployment setting, that IS the lifestyle we're accustomed to. There are a lot of practical things you learn when you live in that setting, and the importance of fellowship (regardless of your circumstances) was one of them!  We're needing that fellowship here. We definitely DO have it with our bible study at our church, and occasional other gatherings, but not nearly as much as we'd like. We're hoping that moving to this housing will help that! We'll have more space to host things (my FAVE!) and more neighborhood people to invite! We're already planning to host a new bible study around the first of the year, and we're really excited about the content! Details to come on that!

Fellowship is a biblical thing. Doc and I's Ohana (small group) in Hawaii really brought out the importance of this! Proverbs 27:17 says "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another". It also tells us to "admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all." (1 Thessalonians 5:14.) Doc and I have found, through wonderful personal experiences with wonderful people all over the country, that fellowship makes a huge difference for us.

We're excited to fellowship! And have a giant house! And 2 parks within walking distance! And a yard! And.....you get the idea :) This is a huge blessing, and I wanted to share the news with you all! I hope all is well for all of you!

Routines

I can't believe this week is already (almost) over! That's insane! Time is flying, which is something that I haven't been able to say since we moved to wonderful (<---sarcasm) Western Washington. I think we're finally, 10 months later, settling into this new idea of "normal". Our routine has changed so much since the move, and we've struggled getting a grip on it, but maybe, hopefully, we're on top of it now. I pray that this is the case! I thrive on routine. I also thrive on spontanait. Weird, right?!? But it's true. For me, there has to be a set routine, or else spontaneous events aren't spontaneous. Make sense?


When Jordan was born, I was a nazi about her schedule! Jordan napped and ate at the same times consistently, right as rain. Her routine was everything to our household. We planned lunch dates and grocery shopping trips around her nap schedule, and always made sure she got enough rest before we did anything. If Jordan was still napping, and we had other plans, we cancelled them. My parents watched her while we worked, and if I had to leave before she was awake, my Mom came over and waited for her to wake up. It was wonderful!


With Lucy, we just don't have that luxury. We have 2 kids to schedule Dr.'s appts for, dentist appts, one has a school schedule, etc. It's not practical to have such a strict routine. Though I just typed that, and I re-read it and know that's the way it is, it's still so aggravating for me to live it. I guess I got so caught up in this with Jordan because she was such an easy baby, and I felt at the time that the security of her schedule was what comforted her and made her so "easy". Lucy has been a little tart since she was in-utero, and after parenting Jordan so smoothly, I can't help but feel like I'm doing something wrong this time. I know in my heart of hearts that this is not the case, but sometimes I let myself go to that place of wonder. It's really devestating, and I should probably stop thinking like that. Keeping a strict schedule with her is out of the question. I can try to keep things similar day-to-day, but sometimes there will be outside agenda. The sooner I get over that, the sooner I can stop feeling guilty for something that's not really happening. And I mean, what am I gonna do? NEVER attend a women's bible study and skip necessary appointments because my kid is asleep? It even sounds ridiculous as I type it.


Doc is in a "mini-break" from school right now, meaning that he's only taking one class at a time for the next week, which is great! It free's up a little more time for Candyland, catching up on DVR (which we have for free for 6 months!! Hooray! I would never spend the money to keep it, but I'm sure enjoying this time with it!!) and lots of budget planning. We're doing Financial Peace University right now, the Dave Ramsey program, and I love it!! It's a great program to help with paying off debt, saving for emergencies and retirement, and mainly just holding yourself acocuntable for your spending. It's based on biblical principles regarding money, and it really puts things into perspective. Nothing like a little God-guilt to help me get a grip on my everyday Mcdonald's Diet Coke Fix! Doc and I's goal is to pay off every ounce of debt we have before leaving this duty station. From here, we'll go to Seminary for 3 years, Doc will be commissioned but in the Reserves, and our pay will go down to next to nothing. (And the girls and I will lose our health insurance) The Chaplaincy Program is the only Officer Program in the Navy that does not offer a paid program, so we have to be ready for that! We know that God will provide for us during that time, but we also know that He's embarked the wisdom of this on us for a reason. We must do our part.


I think I'm starting to enjoy my routine a little more as well. I've been getting up when Doc gets up, and showering and getting ready for the day before the girls wake up. Don't ask me why this was such a hard thing for me to start doing. Seriously. Don't ask me. It wounds my pride. I always knew it would be a good idea, but I was so dang tired and I refused to let go of that extra hour or two of sleep. The pattern that the old way created was really unpleasant though. Doc was always in bed an hour or two before I was, we didn't get enough time to just be alone together and have those necessary conversations (or sometimes arguments!) to keep our relationship in check, and I constantly felt like I had no time to myself. Doing this routine, the one where I get up 2 hours before my kids do, fixes all of that. It's still hard and I'm still so lazy about it sometimes, but I'm convinced that this is best for me and my family.


Do you peeps have routines? What are they? What do you do that works really well for you? I'd love to hear it! I know most of you readers are my Facebook peeps, so feel free to tell me there! I hope you all have a nice relaxing weekend coming up! 'Til next time.....

Reminders

Things have been crazy around these parts for the last few weeks, hence my lack of blogging. We had my parents here visiting, which is always a great thing. We love them, we feel comfortable around them and we know they love being here with us. It was a great visit, and a reminder of how lucky we our to have our family. We were sad to see them go.

During the time they were here, Doc and I were able to sneak away a couple times without the kids. Any of you who know me well know that I absolutely live for date night! I live for sweet moments with my daughters, too, but taking care of this marriage is my first priority. (I know some of you are ready to bite my head off with some sort of "A mother's first priority is her children!!!!"-comment, but I believe that taking care of your marriage is directly connected to taking care of your children. 1. It sets an example for them in their future relationships, and 2. happy parents = happy children!) Doc and I are both so busy right now, him with working full-time and going to school full-time, and me with pretty much everything else, that it makes it difficult to have those quiet conversations that keep us in check, so we took full advantage of this time we had! We celebrated our wedding anniversary with a date night, and while we were sitting at the restaurant we exchanged cards we had bought for each other. We couldn't help but laugh, because the theme of both of our cards was basically this: Life sucks right now, but I love you so much and there's no way I could keep my head above water without you! I wish I could say that the theme was wine and roses, but that's really just not our reality right now. We're busy, we're paying off debt and downsizing our spending habits/lifestyle, and things really just aren't fun at all. But, we're madly in love and we've been blessed with so much more than money can buy. Sometimes we just need to sit down and remind each other of that.

I think that Doc and I's journey right now is really intense. Things have been really lonely and overwhelming lately. Doc is so busy with schoolwork that by the time we get a chance to have a conversation it's already bedtime. The girls and I miss him so much, and he misses us the same. We're all longing for time together, and there's just not alot of it. We still don't have near the friendships here that we had in Hawaii, and we're really missing that fellowship that we had there. We're in a time of growth and change, and we're preparing for even bigger changes yet to come (mainly financially, but also time-wise, priority shifts, etc). We're desperately trying to be more self-disciplined, and with every ounce of progress that comes there's a tempting desire to throw it all away and go back to the old way of doing things. This desire is familiar. It's come with every single small victory that we've conquered thus far in our Christian walk. It comes from the one who wants to see us stumble so badly that he can taste it. In those quiet moments that I have with my husband, we're able to remind ourselves of the victories we've already won. We can talk about our gameplan, and we can pray together and listen in the silence for God to lead us.

 I'm thankful for the gentle reminders that a great date night give to us. It reminds us that even though there isn't alot of time for deep conversations (sometimes any conversation!) that we are still on the same page. We're still fighting the good fight, and we're loving each other through the tough parts. We're both exhausted, but we're praying for strength confidently, knowing God will see us through.

In the really dark parts of this journey, the lonely and overwhelming parts, I'm thankful for these reminders. We serve a mighty God, and I know that He'll get us through this valley in our life. It may not be pretty, but we're learning and growing and loving each other through it. I needed to be reminded of that.

Changing Thoughts

Have you ever thought about your thoughts? It's really profound! That you can control your thoughts? That my thoughts lead me to sin? Really? They're just thoughts, right? Not actions. Thoughts. Harmless....right? When it comes to sin, there are some pretty obvious outward sins. Adultery, Murder, Stealing, etc., are all obvious things that we are physically capable of doing.  But what about those sins of the heart? Where your intentions are judged. Your motives, regardless of whether the action was good or bad, determine whether your action was sinful. That's some pretty big stuff, and it's not something that I easily wrapped my brain around. It's taken a while, and I'm at a point now where I'm digging deeper into this.

 I'm reading a daily devotional book by Beth Moore where she challenges us to control our thoughts, and I believe this is crucial in my walk with God. The influence that little things have on my life, lead me to bigger decisions that I would have never made without those little things. One of the biggest of those "little things" for me is my thinking. Sometimes just the smallest thought can lead to this big opinion, judgement, statement, etc. I'm currently working on taking control of my "thought world". I know this sounds kind of out there, I'm with you, but there really is something to this. It always reminds me of that phrase. You know, the inspirational one that's always on basketball commercials or dance team T-shirts? It says,

"Watch your thoughts; they become words.

 Watch your words; they become actions.

 Watch your actions; they become habits.

 Watch your habits; they become your character.

 Watch your character, it becomes your destiny."

That phrase (though cheesy, and corny to quote on a blog, I know) really is pretty impactful. I'm the kind of person that lets all my negative thoughts just live in my head, free to wander and expand as much as they want, and I'm fairly aware of which ones should and should not exit through my mouth. (it took me forever just to control that! lol I was such a loud mouth in my younger years!!! Still am, sometimes!) So it seems to me that I'm controlling this, right? My negative thoughts aren't hurting anyone, right?!?! But then when I do a closer inventory, I realize that is not true at all. My thoughts make me bias against certain people, certain groups, certain places, etc. On the flipside, I show favoritism toward others. Just because I never admit this with my mouth doesn't mean that it's not happening.

So currently, I'm battling my "thought world". It's hard, but I know it's crucial for me. I'll be writing more about this over the next few weeks, so I wanted to give you all a little background for it. I'm excited to go throught this with you all, because I think that accountability is going to be a key factor in this for me. THANK YOU to all of you who have sent me emails or messages of any other kind about this blog. I love your encouragement!

Tomorrow is Jordan's 5th Birthday Party.  We're having a Tea Party here at our home, complete with Princess make-overs, over-the-top Princess dress up, Princess picture frame making, Princess pictures (taken by a professional photographer/friend, shout out to Lydia for doing that! You rock!!!), and last but not least, a true tea party. I'm making everything for it, and serving the girls on fancy platters. This should be interesting, I'm super excited!  Pictures to come :) I hope all you have a great weekend!

--> 5 Years Old <---

Today, my first born daughter turns 5. It's so unreal that she's 5 already! It's amazing how much this girl as done in her 5 years of existence. She lived in 3 different states, watched her Daddy deploy and return home twice, moved away from all of her friends (all that hadn't moved away from her already, that is) and completely adjust to all of that with grace that is unreal for a little lady of only 5 years.

I could write about this beautiful babe of mine for days and still not say everything I have in my heart to say. I'll leave it at this:

Jordan-
You are the most beautiful soul I've ever known. You teach me more everyday about loving Jesus with the heart of a child. I'm thankful to Him for chosing your Daddy and I to be your parents. You've been our most precious gift for 5 years now, and I hope you had the most amazing birthday, baby. I love you so much.
Love,
Mama <3

Breathless

Breathless. That sums up my weekend in a nutshell. To be quite honest, that sums up my family's life in a nutshell right now. At this particular moment, Doc is sick with salmonella poisoning. He's young and in great shape, so thankfully this isn't life threatening for him, but it definitely left it's mark on life for the past 4 days. Because we have small children, the Dr. advised him to quarantine himself and not go anywhere near the kids for at least 5 days. Salmonella is contagious and can be fatal for infants, so we took these "Dr.'s orders" very seriously.  Taking care of the 2 girls, plus a super sick husband, regular weekend errands, extra Lysol-ing, helping Jordan with homework, and general work (housework, cooking, laundry, etc.) have made this weekend quite....breathless.

Unfortunately, this is nothing new around here. Doc is currently going to school to receive a Bachelors of Science in Religion, in preparation to be (God willing!) selected for the Navy Chaplain Canidacy Program at the end of our tour here at Naval Station Everett. There is so much preparation to be done for this, and so much work to go into these studies. He's taking accelerated classes, so the workload is massive. As soon as he comes home from work, he's studying. We eat dinner together with the girls, and it's back to studying. We do Bible Study on Tuesday. Help with the Youth Group on Wednesday. Violin Lessons on Thursday. And so on...and so on...Every hour has something required of it, and at times it can be REALLY....breathless.

Our society tells me that this is normal. That we live in a busy world, and that we've just got to learn to multi-task and figure out how to keep our heads above water. The world elevates those who live like that and puts them on a pedestal like superheroes, like something we should all attain to be. That was my pace for many years, and trying to change my ways of thinking about this was (and still is!) a constant battle for me. Eventually, God started tugging on my heartstrings. A couple years ago, He really starting hinting around that I was taking on too much. We were living in Hawaii at the time, Doc was in Afghanistan, I was working full-time, volunteering with 3 different organizations, raising Jordan, and facing trials I'd never seen before. (Doc getting injured in Afghan, a random (HUGE) financial stressor, etc.) I just kept going, ignoring God's warnings and convincing myself that everything was fine. (Prideful little tart, I was!) Finally, God physically stopped me. I passed out (literally) from exhaustion and dehydration, right onto a concrete slab and wound up with a concussion and huge bump on my forehead that will be there forever. I vowed that from then on I would take a very serious inventory of my responsibilities, and say "no" when I knew it was too much.

This is still something that I struggle with today, partly because sometimes life REALLY is just busy, and mostly because I'm stubborn and constantly think I could be doing more. (Our enemy knows my weaknesses and knows right where to plant his seeds, don't you think?) Doc and I are praying over ways to slow the pace right now. We know this isn't good for anyone, and we're determined to fix it. We don't have the answer right now. Maybe it's better time management? Better use of what little free time we have? Cutting out some things? This isn't to say that this will prevent life from throwing curve balls and that we won't be in this predicament ever again. We know that's not the case. We just want to shield our family from living in a constant state of being......you guessed it, breathless!

It's taken me a long time to figure out the importance of these "inventories", but I'm starting to finally understand. "Starting to", I say. I'm still pretty stubborn about this, but I'm realizing more and more that I have to make room for those quiet moments where God can give me direction. (It also prevents Him from having to make me pass out and get a concussion before I'll listen!) It reminds me of the story of Martha and Mary in the book of Luke. Martha, frazzled trying to get the house clean, the food prepared, and everything served, watched in angst as her sister Mary simply sat at Jesus's feet and listened to his stories. (Picturing myself in this setting, I'd totally be the "Martha". I'd want to smack Mary silly for sitting around while I was busting my behind getting stuff done!!!) She eventually asked Jesus to reprimand Mary for sitting around with so much work to be done. Luke 10:41-42 tells me what Jesus thought about this: "Martha, Martha." the Lord answered. "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

This reply puts alot into perspective for me. I'm guilty many times of prioritizing in a way that I knew Jesus would not approve of, and often I wonder if that's the root of my breathlessness. It's a reminder that I have to constantly hold myself accountable for this, or else it can easily get out of control and the next thing ya know, BAM. Concrete slab. The literal one, or the metaphoric one. Both are painful, and I don't want to experience either one!

Thanks for reading about my struggles this week. I hope it encourages any of you that may be going through the same thing to know that you're not alone. I'm giving this one over to God, and begging for His direction in our lives right now. Anything you all are begging for right now? Feel free to email me at tammyhenebry@hotmail.com so I can pray for you, too! 

Kindergarten!!

This is my 4 year old daughter, Jordan, and this week, this girl started Kindergarten!!!

Jordan has, hands down, was the biggest worldly factor in the beginning of my walk with Christ. She is the one who, at 5 months old, led me back to Him. Children are amazing blessings, and something that I never wanted a single thing to do with until I was blessed with one of my own. It was an Ah Ha! moment, if you will. Suddenly, life became serious.  At that time, I was a full-time working mother, and Doc was getting ready to re-enlist in the Navy. Daycare was the obvious choice, and for he and I both, growing up, it's just "what you did". Everyone went to daycare. Then school. There was one school in my neighborhood, and when you turned 5, you went to it. It was that simple. Now there are all these choices. It's wonderful, but maddening at the same time.

Doc and I have never been opposed to public school, though we've had our doubts about the different local school systems in some of the places we've lived. We've always agreed to choose an education style that fits the individual child. We home-preschooled Jordan in Hawaii, and it was wonderful! We knew that we wanted to give her a solid biblical foundation at home before she went into a more formal school. During our curriculum, Jordan absolutely soared! She has a zest for learning, and she catches on to things so quickly. She remembers every little detail about everything we do, and it's made things like scripture memorization, reading, counting, math, etc., all come very easily to her. She's also a very social child. She's very extroverted, and gets her energy from being around other people. (That's right folks; she may look like Doc's twin, but that personality? It's all Mama!) We were advised by a Kindergarten teacher in Hawaii that we should really consider trying to enroll her early, for many different reasons. We researched this idea, and decided it was something we needed to pursue. We prayed over it, and we were absolutely convicted that it was the right decision for Jordan.

We had a fight on our hands with this school district over this because Jordan's age doesn't meet their requirements. But, after a developmental grade level evaluation by a child psychologist, a meeting with the director of elementary education, a meeting with the superintendent, another report from the psychologist, another meeting with the superintendent, countless pressure-cooker phonecalls (as I like to call them) and a whole lot of prayer.....my baby is a Kindergartener!

Her first day of school was Monday, and she had a blast! She and I prayed together before we went in, and with the biggest smile on her face she ran to get in line with her classmates. I talked to her teacher afterward, and the first thing she said to me was, "I am so glad she got to come to Kindergarten this year!"  <---A little reassurance from God that we're doing the right thing here. Our advocating was not for nothing, our daughter is exactly where she needs to be. Thank you Lord :) She asked me the other day if it was ok to pray before her snacktime, since schools don't talk about Jesus. I reassured her that it was absolutely ok, and she felt much better. I love the heart of a child, is there really anything more pure?

I'm sure there will be many more updates regarding Jordan and her school as we all figure out this new chapter in our families' life. Thank you all for the prayers during this process! 'Til next time, Happy Friday friends!!

A Work in Progress.

Everyday I wake up and look in the mirror, and I hardly recognize the girl looking back at me.  Five years ago, I looked completely different. I looked worn, weary, and sometimes downright sad. I was tired of keeping lies straight, and tired of convincing myself and everyone else that things were great, when they obviously weren’t. I was beginning to submit to what I’d become when all of a sudden, everything changed. I got on my knees and prayed for the first time in years, and God did the rest. Nothing happened overnight, but the change brewing inside of me was so powerful that it immediately began molding my life into something I never thought possible.

This isn’t about how awesome I am for making a huge transition. This is about how awesome He is. It’s the everyday life of a woman letting her old self die a little more each day, and the learning process of realizing who I am in Christ, and who He created me to be. It isn’t always going to be inspirational, and it isn’t always going to be pretty. But it is always going to be me.

I’m beginning this blog so that I can share this experience with my friends and family, near and far.  My goal is to be as transparent as possible about everything that I write about. My past, my present, my future, you name it. I’ll post stories, sometimes general updates on life, and share pieces of this journey as I continue to learn and grow more in the Lord. I hope that through these words I can help myself figure out some of the tougher parts of this journey, and be able to reach out to you all for prayers or encouragement.

If you’re willing, come along with me as I continue onward as a work in progress…..

“Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3: 13-14.