Passenger

It took me a week to write this post, and another week to work up the courage to post it. Deep breath in *gasp*.....and here we go.......


I love the way Dexter refers to his not-so-positive side as his "Dark Passenger". What he's referring to is the fact that he's secretly a serial killer of all the bad guys that justice didn't serve. Now, hopefully the people I know don't have THAT kind of a dark passenger, but I think we've all got someone with us along for the ride that we never invited. Maybe (hopefully) his name isn't Serial Killer, but his name could be Jealousy, or Anger, or Addiction, or Pride, or Shame, or so on....I think I've had a little of all of these with me at one point, some that relapse over and over again. It's a constant battle to evict these jerks, and some are bigger and meaner than others.


It's taken me years to come to terms with some of my passengers, but this year I'm starting a war against the biggest one I've got. It's a fight against a disgusting passenger that's been with me as long as I can remember. He's big, and ugly, and downright repulsive. It's embarassing to carry him with me, and shameful to admit that he's here. Letting him stay and go unnoticed would be so much easier to do, but if I choose that route, it could cost me my life. His name is Food Addiction.


Food Addiction. How repulsive is that?!? Food. Not cocaine, which has a chemical substinence that your body eventually craves and therefore justifies it's own addictiveness. (Not that being addicted to cocaine is a good thing, it's just a common addiction that I grabbed for an example) But food??? This is such an embarassing thing to be addicted to. When I picture a food addict, I see a 500 lb woman sneaking buckets of KFC and chugging 2-Liters of Pepsi to wash it down. I see a huge, lazy sloth that never makes any effort toward anything other than eating. Or maybe a morbidly obese person with an oxygen tank who has to be crane lifted from their couch. But the truth is, a food addict can also be a 240 lb woman, with two little girls watching her every move, who loves make-up and has an insane amount of energy, who also has an emotional attatchment to eating and can't control it on her own.


I remember the day I realized that I was a food addict. I had a dear friend and her husband here visiting, and we were trying to decide where we wanted to go for lunch. She explained to me that she was doing an FAA (Food Addicts Anonymous, very similar but slightly different than Overeaters Anonymous) diet, and explained what it entailed. I was intrigued, and sat down with her and asked about the kinds of things that led her to FAA. She explained that at one point, she was at a church, staring at a plate of muffins and cookies, and she realized that she literally couldn't stop eating them. For any of you who have never experienced this, I'm sure this sounds really out-there. And I know exactly what you're thinking. "Oh, that's ridiculous. Anyone would want to keep eating homeade goodies like that! She just didn't have the willpower to stop! That's nothing special! Everyone feels like that!" And that's true somewhat true, but the difference is that people who are not FA's don't go through an emotional letdown when they make that decision to stop eating. An emotional letdown every time they make a decision to stop eating. This is one of a few symptoms of FA.


The first step in this process is admitting that there is a problem. I had a tearful conversation with my husband a couple months back where I told him that I believe I may be addicted to food. I'm not sure that he really took me seriously at the time, and that's ok. He prayed with me, and comforted me, and that's what I was really needing then anyway. He agreed to be my accountability partner, and he calls me everyday to see what all I've eaten that day. There are a couple chapters of FAA that meet in our area here that I'm currently checking into. I'm hoping to get a sponsor through them.


And now I've admitted it to all of you. All of you whom I love dearly, and really really wish that I never had to say this to. But I needed to. I need to be honest with you all about what my life looks like right now, even the dark parts. So currently I'm working on self-control. I'm counting calories, but my main focus is to cut my portion sizes back to something reasonable. This is a process. Our stomachs don't stretch out overnight, and they don't return to normal overnight either. So for the next few weeks, I'm going to be hungry. Consider this a bit of a warning...I'm not sure if you've ever met Hungry-Tammy, but she can be a real rip sometimes! I'm trusting God to get me through this. I'm trusting Him for strength and steadfast self-control. I truly cannot do this without Him. He's given me victory over addiction to cigarettes and alcohol, and I know He can give me victory over this,too. I'm clinging to that!


I said this before and I want to say it again; I know that for some of you this is really out-there. And that's ok. Please feel free to ask me questions about this, about how I'm doing with my eating or how the process is going, anything at all. I want to be open with you about it, and I want you to see what God is doing in my life. I also want to encourage any of you who may be going through similar things, and tell you that you're not alone. If you need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate.


Thank you peeps for listening. It means much more than you know. I love you all, have a great week!

New New New

I love new. Just hearing the word "new" excites me. New people, new places, new opportunities, new hair color, new stuff, you name it, I like new ones! Not to say that I'm not satisfed with the current, but there's something so wonderful about "new".  I've never really looked at January as a new beginning or a time for change, but this year I have really been feeling this "newness" sweep over me. I have a God-fire lit under me. <--(These bursts of energy don't just magically appear, you know.) I can feel the Lord restoring me, and I believe it's for His purpose. I want to use it! You know the phrase "Use it or lose it!"? I think that is especially true when it comes to inspiration. If I don't use it when I've got it, it eventually passes. Even if I accomplish the task I had originally set out to do, it never gets done with the passion and the exuberance it would have if I had done it in the moment. So, here are some of my "news" for 2012:

1. Ombudsmanship (<--Look! Another "new"! I made up a new word!)
An Ombudsman, for any of my non-military peeps, is a person who is appointed by the Commanding Officer of a unit to be the link between military family members and the Command's higher leadership. Doc's Commanding Officer has asked me to be the Ombudsman for Doc's Command, and I've accepted! This is a volunteer position that I am so very looking forward to filling! It's something that's really been missing for me since I moved here. I have a great church where I volunteer, and I love that, but I've always done something within the military community as well. I've volunteered in this way with every other Command we've been attatched to, but only as an assistant to the Ombudsman (or "Family Readiness Officer" when we were with the Marine Corps. Same thing, different title, every branch just HAS to have their own terminology to make things difficult!) I'm excited about this for so many reasons, but mainly because this is something that I'm very passionate about. I would even dare to say that this is the thing I'm most passionate about. (for now, anyway) God has given me so much grace in the area of being a military spouse. I adapt easily and I welcome the moves and quick-paced, split-second decisions. (remember the title of this post?) But these are tough things to go through, and I welcome the opportunity to provide information about resources to help other families. I have some official training to go through, and after I complete it (around the end of February) I will have a Blackberry, a cheesy nametag, and an outlet to show people the love of God by helping them through stressful transitions and situations. Praising God for this NEW opportunity.....

2. Bible Study
The main reason we were excited about moving into this new house is because it is so much bigger than any we've ever lived in. The brand spanking new features and neighborhood full of kids doesn't hurt either, but the space we have here is just wonderful, and we intend on using it! We're starting a weekly small group bible study here! This will be our first time hosting, and we're very excited! We're hoping to be able to invite some of our neighbors in this military housing community, as well as others from our church and this area in general. We'll be doing a marriage focus, and we have such an awesome curriculum! We're doing Mark Gungor's Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage. It's a study for anyone at any stage of their married life, founded with Biblical principles of marriage, and it is absolutely hilarious. Seriously. Watch this 5 minute clip. You'll roll on the ground laughing and find yourself saying over and over "That is SO true!!!!"

See what I mean??? He's wonderful! One (of many) really awesome thing about this series is that it's not something that you have to have a huge prior biblical knowledge to be able to understand. In fact, you don't have to have any at all. It's very lehman. We're really hoping to attract a well-rounded group, so that we can all feed off of each others experiences (only what people want to share, that is, that's absolutely NOT a requirement of this study) and gain wisdom not only from studying the Bible, but also from one another and the things God has already taught each of us throughout our lives. We're potlucking every session, and we have lots of toys and playgrounds nearby for the kids! (Perhaps even a babysitter in the works!) If you're in the area, please join us and tell your friends!! It will be such a great time! And also, pray over this study! Pray that we have a great turnout and that God leads us to host graciously and with servants' hearts.

3. Lifestyle Change
This sounds very typical "My New Years Resolution is to lose 10 pounds", but I can assure you it's not. This is something very personal to me, and I'll be writing an entire post just on this alone, so for today I'll keep this minimal. There are things in my life that are out of control. For the sake of my health and the health of my children and family, I have to get them under control. It's going to be the fight of my life, and in some ways it feels like it will be a fight for my life. It's going to be harder than anything I've ever done, and it's going to be ugly. Very, very, very ugly. But it's going to happen. Because it has to. Period.

SO! Let's recap: I'm becoming an Ombudsman, we're starting a Bible study, I'm taking on some of the dark, toxic parts of my lifestyle, all in edition to unpacking from our recent move, overhauling our finances, raising two kids and supporting my husband in his career and school endeavors. Hmmmmm, (in my best sarcastic optimism voice) maybe I should add a NEW therapist to that list! :) Daily prayerful maintenance checks will ensure that we're not getting overwhelmed, don't worry.  Prayers welcome, peeps!

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act." Psalm 37:5

Happy New Year, friends!

 Normally, I say "MAN, can you believe it's a new year already??", but this year I actually do feel like it's been a year. It was a long year for us, and we're more than ready to embrace this new one! Here are some of our highlights from 2011:  

We're only 1 state away from the Capistrano's! Wonderful wonderful!

 



Lucy Kay Henebry

February 21, 2011

7 LBS 12 OZ

21 Inches Long

Spending Easter at Suncadia Lodge in Cle Elum with our family!

Jordan started violin lessons!

We spent the week of the 4th fo July with our family at their Lake House on Lake Chelan...

Spent time with family in Seattle, and met our Sister-In-Law, Heide, and our niece, AnamCara for the first time! They're both darling and it was a great time!

We got to visit with Pastor Rick and Sue from Hawaii while they were here! We loved it, and can't wait to see them again! 

In September, we had Jordy's 5th Birthday Party at American Girl!

AND, after a long fight with the local school district, she started Kindergarten!!

(And is doing absolutely awesome, by the way!)

Lucy smiled and sang throughout all of this, and grew like a weed....

With Jordan as the flower girl, and Doc as the Best Man, my Brother-in-Law, John, married my new Sister-in-Law, Leah, on 11/11/11. Leah is lovely! (they haven't released the wedding photo's yet...that's why all I've got is of Lucy and I)

Jordan had her first violin recital :)

And we had a fantastic Christmas season with our family in Ellensburg! (Pics still aren't uploaded yet, sorry!)

It was a busy, whirlwind of a year in this house, and we're excited about the new-ness that a New-Year brings! We're all moved into a new house, and we have lots of new things going! More on all that soon....my long blogging sabactle has ended with our move, and I'm baaaaaaack! :) Love you, peeps! I hope you all have a very blessed 2012, and I'm excited and blessed to get to go through it with you!!