Changing Thoughts

Have you ever thought about your thoughts? It's really profound! That you can control your thoughts? That my thoughts lead me to sin? Really? They're just thoughts, right? Not actions. Thoughts. Harmless....right? When it comes to sin, there are some pretty obvious outward sins. Adultery, Murder, Stealing, etc., are all obvious things that we are physically capable of doing.  But what about those sins of the heart? Where your intentions are judged. Your motives, regardless of whether the action was good or bad, determine whether your action was sinful. That's some pretty big stuff, and it's not something that I easily wrapped my brain around. It's taken a while, and I'm at a point now where I'm digging deeper into this.

 I'm reading a daily devotional book by Beth Moore where she challenges us to control our thoughts, and I believe this is crucial in my walk with God. The influence that little things have on my life, lead me to bigger decisions that I would have never made without those little things. One of the biggest of those "little things" for me is my thinking. Sometimes just the smallest thought can lead to this big opinion, judgement, statement, etc. I'm currently working on taking control of my "thought world". I know this sounds kind of out there, I'm with you, but there really is something to this. It always reminds me of that phrase. You know, the inspirational one that's always on basketball commercials or dance team T-shirts? It says,

"Watch your thoughts; they become words.

 Watch your words; they become actions.

 Watch your actions; they become habits.

 Watch your habits; they become your character.

 Watch your character, it becomes your destiny."

That phrase (though cheesy, and corny to quote on a blog, I know) really is pretty impactful. I'm the kind of person that lets all my negative thoughts just live in my head, free to wander and expand as much as they want, and I'm fairly aware of which ones should and should not exit through my mouth. (it took me forever just to control that! lol I was such a loud mouth in my younger years!!! Still am, sometimes!) So it seems to me that I'm controlling this, right? My negative thoughts aren't hurting anyone, right?!?! But then when I do a closer inventory, I realize that is not true at all. My thoughts make me bias against certain people, certain groups, certain places, etc. On the flipside, I show favoritism toward others. Just because I never admit this with my mouth doesn't mean that it's not happening.

So currently, I'm battling my "thought world". It's hard, but I know it's crucial for me. I'll be writing more about this over the next few weeks, so I wanted to give you all a little background for it. I'm excited to go throught this with you all, because I think that accountability is going to be a key factor in this for me. THANK YOU to all of you who have sent me emails or messages of any other kind about this blog. I love your encouragement!

Tomorrow is Jordan's 5th Birthday Party.  We're having a Tea Party here at our home, complete with Princess make-overs, over-the-top Princess dress up, Princess picture frame making, Princess pictures (taken by a professional photographer/friend, shout out to Lydia for doing that! You rock!!!), and last but not least, a true tea party. I'm making everything for it, and serving the girls on fancy platters. This should be interesting, I'm super excited!  Pictures to come :) I hope all you have a great weekend!

--> 5 Years Old <---

Today, my first born daughter turns 5. It's so unreal that she's 5 already! It's amazing how much this girl as done in her 5 years of existence. She lived in 3 different states, watched her Daddy deploy and return home twice, moved away from all of her friends (all that hadn't moved away from her already, that is) and completely adjust to all of that with grace that is unreal for a little lady of only 5 years.

I could write about this beautiful babe of mine for days and still not say everything I have in my heart to say. I'll leave it at this:

Jordan-
You are the most beautiful soul I've ever known. You teach me more everyday about loving Jesus with the heart of a child. I'm thankful to Him for chosing your Daddy and I to be your parents. You've been our most precious gift for 5 years now, and I hope you had the most amazing birthday, baby. I love you so much.
Love,
Mama <3

Breathless

Breathless. That sums up my weekend in a nutshell. To be quite honest, that sums up my family's life in a nutshell right now. At this particular moment, Doc is sick with salmonella poisoning. He's young and in great shape, so thankfully this isn't life threatening for him, but it definitely left it's mark on life for the past 4 days. Because we have small children, the Dr. advised him to quarantine himself and not go anywhere near the kids for at least 5 days. Salmonella is contagious and can be fatal for infants, so we took these "Dr.'s orders" very seriously.  Taking care of the 2 girls, plus a super sick husband, regular weekend errands, extra Lysol-ing, helping Jordan with homework, and general work (housework, cooking, laundry, etc.) have made this weekend quite....breathless.

Unfortunately, this is nothing new around here. Doc is currently going to school to receive a Bachelors of Science in Religion, in preparation to be (God willing!) selected for the Navy Chaplain Canidacy Program at the end of our tour here at Naval Station Everett. There is so much preparation to be done for this, and so much work to go into these studies. He's taking accelerated classes, so the workload is massive. As soon as he comes home from work, he's studying. We eat dinner together with the girls, and it's back to studying. We do Bible Study on Tuesday. Help with the Youth Group on Wednesday. Violin Lessons on Thursday. And so on...and so on...Every hour has something required of it, and at times it can be REALLY....breathless.

Our society tells me that this is normal. That we live in a busy world, and that we've just got to learn to multi-task and figure out how to keep our heads above water. The world elevates those who live like that and puts them on a pedestal like superheroes, like something we should all attain to be. That was my pace for many years, and trying to change my ways of thinking about this was (and still is!) a constant battle for me. Eventually, God started tugging on my heartstrings. A couple years ago, He really starting hinting around that I was taking on too much. We were living in Hawaii at the time, Doc was in Afghanistan, I was working full-time, volunteering with 3 different organizations, raising Jordan, and facing trials I'd never seen before. (Doc getting injured in Afghan, a random (HUGE) financial stressor, etc.) I just kept going, ignoring God's warnings and convincing myself that everything was fine. (Prideful little tart, I was!) Finally, God physically stopped me. I passed out (literally) from exhaustion and dehydration, right onto a concrete slab and wound up with a concussion and huge bump on my forehead that will be there forever. I vowed that from then on I would take a very serious inventory of my responsibilities, and say "no" when I knew it was too much.

This is still something that I struggle with today, partly because sometimes life REALLY is just busy, and mostly because I'm stubborn and constantly think I could be doing more. (Our enemy knows my weaknesses and knows right where to plant his seeds, don't you think?) Doc and I are praying over ways to slow the pace right now. We know this isn't good for anyone, and we're determined to fix it. We don't have the answer right now. Maybe it's better time management? Better use of what little free time we have? Cutting out some things? This isn't to say that this will prevent life from throwing curve balls and that we won't be in this predicament ever again. We know that's not the case. We just want to shield our family from living in a constant state of being......you guessed it, breathless!

It's taken me a long time to figure out the importance of these "inventories", but I'm starting to finally understand. "Starting to", I say. I'm still pretty stubborn about this, but I'm realizing more and more that I have to make room for those quiet moments where God can give me direction. (It also prevents Him from having to make me pass out and get a concussion before I'll listen!) It reminds me of the story of Martha and Mary in the book of Luke. Martha, frazzled trying to get the house clean, the food prepared, and everything served, watched in angst as her sister Mary simply sat at Jesus's feet and listened to his stories. (Picturing myself in this setting, I'd totally be the "Martha". I'd want to smack Mary silly for sitting around while I was busting my behind getting stuff done!!!) She eventually asked Jesus to reprimand Mary for sitting around with so much work to be done. Luke 10:41-42 tells me what Jesus thought about this: "Martha, Martha." the Lord answered. "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

This reply puts alot into perspective for me. I'm guilty many times of prioritizing in a way that I knew Jesus would not approve of, and often I wonder if that's the root of my breathlessness. It's a reminder that I have to constantly hold myself accountable for this, or else it can easily get out of control and the next thing ya know, BAM. Concrete slab. The literal one, or the metaphoric one. Both are painful, and I don't want to experience either one!

Thanks for reading about my struggles this week. I hope it encourages any of you that may be going through the same thing to know that you're not alone. I'm giving this one over to God, and begging for His direction in our lives right now. Anything you all are begging for right now? Feel free to email me at tammyhenebry@hotmail.com so I can pray for you, too! 

Kindergarten!!

This is my 4 year old daughter, Jordan, and this week, this girl started Kindergarten!!!

Jordan has, hands down, was the biggest worldly factor in the beginning of my walk with Christ. She is the one who, at 5 months old, led me back to Him. Children are amazing blessings, and something that I never wanted a single thing to do with until I was blessed with one of my own. It was an Ah Ha! moment, if you will. Suddenly, life became serious.  At that time, I was a full-time working mother, and Doc was getting ready to re-enlist in the Navy. Daycare was the obvious choice, and for he and I both, growing up, it's just "what you did". Everyone went to daycare. Then school. There was one school in my neighborhood, and when you turned 5, you went to it. It was that simple. Now there are all these choices. It's wonderful, but maddening at the same time.

Doc and I have never been opposed to public school, though we've had our doubts about the different local school systems in some of the places we've lived. We've always agreed to choose an education style that fits the individual child. We home-preschooled Jordan in Hawaii, and it was wonderful! We knew that we wanted to give her a solid biblical foundation at home before she went into a more formal school. During our curriculum, Jordan absolutely soared! She has a zest for learning, and she catches on to things so quickly. She remembers every little detail about everything we do, and it's made things like scripture memorization, reading, counting, math, etc., all come very easily to her. She's also a very social child. She's very extroverted, and gets her energy from being around other people. (That's right folks; she may look like Doc's twin, but that personality? It's all Mama!) We were advised by a Kindergarten teacher in Hawaii that we should really consider trying to enroll her early, for many different reasons. We researched this idea, and decided it was something we needed to pursue. We prayed over it, and we were absolutely convicted that it was the right decision for Jordan.

We had a fight on our hands with this school district over this because Jordan's age doesn't meet their requirements. But, after a developmental grade level evaluation by a child psychologist, a meeting with the director of elementary education, a meeting with the superintendent, another report from the psychologist, another meeting with the superintendent, countless pressure-cooker phonecalls (as I like to call them) and a whole lot of prayer.....my baby is a Kindergartener!

Her first day of school was Monday, and she had a blast! She and I prayed together before we went in, and with the biggest smile on her face she ran to get in line with her classmates. I talked to her teacher afterward, and the first thing she said to me was, "I am so glad she got to come to Kindergarten this year!"  <---A little reassurance from God that we're doing the right thing here. Our advocating was not for nothing, our daughter is exactly where she needs to be. Thank you Lord :) She asked me the other day if it was ok to pray before her snacktime, since schools don't talk about Jesus. I reassured her that it was absolutely ok, and she felt much better. I love the heart of a child, is there really anything more pure?

I'm sure there will be many more updates regarding Jordan and her school as we all figure out this new chapter in our families' life. Thank you all for the prayers during this process! 'Til next time, Happy Friday friends!!

A Work in Progress.

Everyday I wake up and look in the mirror, and I hardly recognize the girl looking back at me.  Five years ago, I looked completely different. I looked worn, weary, and sometimes downright sad. I was tired of keeping lies straight, and tired of convincing myself and everyone else that things were great, when they obviously weren’t. I was beginning to submit to what I’d become when all of a sudden, everything changed. I got on my knees and prayed for the first time in years, and God did the rest. Nothing happened overnight, but the change brewing inside of me was so powerful that it immediately began molding my life into something I never thought possible.

This isn’t about how awesome I am for making a huge transition. This is about how awesome He is. It’s the everyday life of a woman letting her old self die a little more each day, and the learning process of realizing who I am in Christ, and who He created me to be. It isn’t always going to be inspirational, and it isn’t always going to be pretty. But it is always going to be me.

I’m beginning this blog so that I can share this experience with my friends and family, near and far.  My goal is to be as transparent as possible about everything that I write about. My past, my present, my future, you name it. I’ll post stories, sometimes general updates on life, and share pieces of this journey as I continue to learn and grow more in the Lord. I hope that through these words I can help myself figure out some of the tougher parts of this journey, and be able to reach out to you all for prayers or encouragement.

If you’re willing, come along with me as I continue onward as a work in progress…..

“Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3: 13-14.