Breathless

Breathless. That sums up my weekend in a nutshell. To be quite honest, that sums up my family's life in a nutshell right now. At this particular moment, Doc is sick with salmonella poisoning. He's young and in great shape, so thankfully this isn't life threatening for him, but it definitely left it's mark on life for the past 4 days. Because we have small children, the Dr. advised him to quarantine himself and not go anywhere near the kids for at least 5 days. Salmonella is contagious and can be fatal for infants, so we took these "Dr.'s orders" very seriously.  Taking care of the 2 girls, plus a super sick husband, regular weekend errands, extra Lysol-ing, helping Jordan with homework, and general work (housework, cooking, laundry, etc.) have made this weekend quite....breathless.

Unfortunately, this is nothing new around here. Doc is currently going to school to receive a Bachelors of Science in Religion, in preparation to be (God willing!) selected for the Navy Chaplain Canidacy Program at the end of our tour here at Naval Station Everett. There is so much preparation to be done for this, and so much work to go into these studies. He's taking accelerated classes, so the workload is massive. As soon as he comes home from work, he's studying. We eat dinner together with the girls, and it's back to studying. We do Bible Study on Tuesday. Help with the Youth Group on Wednesday. Violin Lessons on Thursday. And so on...and so on...Every hour has something required of it, and at times it can be REALLY....breathless.

Our society tells me that this is normal. That we live in a busy world, and that we've just got to learn to multi-task and figure out how to keep our heads above water. The world elevates those who live like that and puts them on a pedestal like superheroes, like something we should all attain to be. That was my pace for many years, and trying to change my ways of thinking about this was (and still is!) a constant battle for me. Eventually, God started tugging on my heartstrings. A couple years ago, He really starting hinting around that I was taking on too much. We were living in Hawaii at the time, Doc was in Afghanistan, I was working full-time, volunteering with 3 different organizations, raising Jordan, and facing trials I'd never seen before. (Doc getting injured in Afghan, a random (HUGE) financial stressor, etc.) I just kept going, ignoring God's warnings and convincing myself that everything was fine. (Prideful little tart, I was!) Finally, God physically stopped me. I passed out (literally) from exhaustion and dehydration, right onto a concrete slab and wound up with a concussion and huge bump on my forehead that will be there forever. I vowed that from then on I would take a very serious inventory of my responsibilities, and say "no" when I knew it was too much.

This is still something that I struggle with today, partly because sometimes life REALLY is just busy, and mostly because I'm stubborn and constantly think I could be doing more. (Our enemy knows my weaknesses and knows right where to plant his seeds, don't you think?) Doc and I are praying over ways to slow the pace right now. We know this isn't good for anyone, and we're determined to fix it. We don't have the answer right now. Maybe it's better time management? Better use of what little free time we have? Cutting out some things? This isn't to say that this will prevent life from throwing curve balls and that we won't be in this predicament ever again. We know that's not the case. We just want to shield our family from living in a constant state of being......you guessed it, breathless!

It's taken me a long time to figure out the importance of these "inventories", but I'm starting to finally understand. "Starting to", I say. I'm still pretty stubborn about this, but I'm realizing more and more that I have to make room for those quiet moments where God can give me direction. (It also prevents Him from having to make me pass out and get a concussion before I'll listen!) It reminds me of the story of Martha and Mary in the book of Luke. Martha, frazzled trying to get the house clean, the food prepared, and everything served, watched in angst as her sister Mary simply sat at Jesus's feet and listened to his stories. (Picturing myself in this setting, I'd totally be the "Martha". I'd want to smack Mary silly for sitting around while I was busting my behind getting stuff done!!!) She eventually asked Jesus to reprimand Mary for sitting around with so much work to be done. Luke 10:41-42 tells me what Jesus thought about this: "Martha, Martha." the Lord answered. "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

This reply puts alot into perspective for me. I'm guilty many times of prioritizing in a way that I knew Jesus would not approve of, and often I wonder if that's the root of my breathlessness. It's a reminder that I have to constantly hold myself accountable for this, or else it can easily get out of control and the next thing ya know, BAM. Concrete slab. The literal one, or the metaphoric one. Both are painful, and I don't want to experience either one!

Thanks for reading about my struggles this week. I hope it encourages any of you that may be going through the same thing to know that you're not alone. I'm giving this one over to God, and begging for His direction in our lives right now. Anything you all are begging for right now? Feel free to email me at tammyhenebry@hotmail.com so I can pray for you, too!